3.27.2007

Nothin's Gonna Get Me Down

I haven't been my usual self lately. Being in a constant state of pain with no escape can make even the happiest person a little~shall we say~GROUCHY! People aren't used to seeing me this way. Even on my worst days I've been able to suck it up and put on that fake smile that says all is well with the world.

I know we're supposed to be real. We need to let others know how we truly are. I shouldn't fake it. I tend to do that alot. I'm just careful who I share it with. I do have friends, like you, that I can share my physical pains and my spiritual needs and know that I will be prayed for. There is no need to have a conversation (and I use that word lightly) that leads to negativity. On their end or mine for that matter.

I know people that thrive on bringing you down. When these annoying people see me you can almost see them shaking with excitement. They practically leap with joy as they head my way. The so called conversation went something like this:

Them: Hi, Amy! How are you doing today?
Me: I'm fine! How about you?
T: You know you are not fine. If you were fine you wouldn't be sitting in that wheelchair.
Me: No really, I'm having a pretty good day today!
T: So all the other days are pretty bad, huh? (as they tremble with excitement)
Me: No, not necessarily. I just have to be careful at how much I get out and about so when I am at home I can still get around well enough to take care of myself.
T: Oh, you poor thing. You are too young to be disabled already. You're missing out on life. And your kids have to help you alot, don't they? I bet they have alot of chores to do. Do they ever get to go have fun? (By this time they are practically foaming at the mouth!)
Me: My family and church is my life. I make sure I get enough rest so that I am able to go to Awana and Sunday services. We go as a family. If I had only one choice of where I wanted to go each week I would still choose church. I can always go shopping on line! And yes, my kids do help alot. They always had chores even before I had to get a wheelchair. I am still capable of helping them do their chores. We've always done it as a team effort.
T: But I bet they get tired of helping, don't they?
Me: Why don't you ask them?
My Kids: Well, nobody likes to do their chores, but no, we actually fight over who gets to help mom. We like it!
Me: (smiling)
My Son: I'm glad I get to help mom. And I used to help my grandpa too! They are the reason I want to be a physical therapist.
My Daughter: And I know God is calling me to be a nurse because of them.
My Oldest: I may not want to have a career, but watching my mom I know I want to be a mom just like her someday! We love spending time as a family. Most kids don't nowadays, but we do. And if we want to go hang out with friends we can if we want.
Me: (still smiling)
T: (wiping foam from their mouth) Yes, but I bet it can be a drag to always have to help your mother.

She walks away shaking her head. The kids and I look at each other with puzzled faces. Did she even hear what we had to say? My son asks why people act that way. We discussed how perhaps she doesn't have anyone to call on if she needed anything.

I feel sorry for her. Maybe if that really is the case she will remember my kid's attitude and she'll call us if she needs something. Hopefully I will see her out again and I can let her know our phone number. I don't even know her name and I have no idea if she knows our last name.

There are days, I admit, that I get down. I worry that I take up too much of my kid's childhood. I still have a hard time asking for things even though I know they enjoy helping. I can be selfish and stubborn.

I need to let God work in their lives through me, if needed. I'm raising a future nurse, physical therapist and mother! When I start thinking about that I realize what a privilege it is to be handicapable. Maybe I can help make a negative person a little more positive. Help them see the brighter side of any situation.

My kids didn't ask to be part of this situation. But they are part of the solution. And through all this God will use them in big and mighty ways!

2 comments:

Michelle said...

As I was reading about that conversation I wondered if it was true, or just a culmination of things that had been said, but I guess it was just one conversation with one lady? Wow! I can't believe some of the things she said to you! And actually saying, outloud, that it must be a drag to help your mother to your children, in front of you! The audacity! Some people really don't think before they speak. I'm sorry you had to encounter such a negative person, but I think by your children's answers you have nothing to worry about- you're doing fine by them!

Christine said...

Some people just don't get it.Granted not everyone's life is perfect, but that doesn't mean we have to be in a state of constant misery and be bitter and negative like that woman was looking for something to talk about or twist to fit her warped perception. As a family we need to take care of each other. Taking care of my husband and son take a lot of my time, but I enjoy them, so I really don't complain about it too much, or at least I hope it doesn't sound like I do. You know what I mean. I wouldn't worry too much about your children, they know you've take real good care of them, and they are taking good care of you. :)