13 Truths That Suggest I Am Getting Old

1. Besides the fact that I have about 247 gray hairs (yes I counted them!) my hair is changing texture. What used to be soft and silky is now coarse and crunchy.

2. Out with grape and orange juice. In with prune and tomato juice.

3. When calling for one of my children I tend to go down the list of names until I get to theirs. And yes, I even call out some of my pet's names too. My son really hates it when I call him Fluffy.

4. When trying to read anything I've learned that my face can stretch in all kinds of ways in order to see. First I start out with the head tilt. Soon it turns ugly when my jaw drops lower and lower and I twist and turn my head until voila! Just call me Stretch Armstrong-anybody remember those from our younger years?

5. Even if the prize in the sugared cereal box was a set of Donny Osmond teeth or a play figurine I won't eat them now. I want my maple brown sugar oatmeal or a toasted wheat bagel. Hey, maybe the prize in the oatmeal box is a poster of Wilfred Brimley. Now we're talkin'.

6. My mother is starting to ask me if I've had a bm everyday. Okay, I'm old, but not THAT old. Leave me a little dignity, please.

7. The kids at the fast food restaurants ask me if I want the senior citizen discount now. You betcha! I'm not one to turn down a bargain even if kids think I look 65.

8. The top of my stretchy jeans and the bottom of my bra are now one. This is not good.

9. One of my favorite prized possessions is my pill holder. Sad, but true. I only wish it was blue.

10. When shopping in the antique stores I am transformed back to my childhood. I didn't realize that my Coke machine radio and Thumbelina dolls were considered antiques.

11. My birthday wish list consists of orthopedic socks, a long handled grabber, a bedside commode and someone willing to clip my toenails!

12. When the bladder calls I must answer it immediately. Be back in a minute.

13. I'm back. Now what was I doing?