1.21.2008

To Share Or Not To Share

Dear Friends,

I come to you once again asking for prayer. This time it is for me and my household. I wasn't sure whether to share or not because I try to keep my blog a happy place. I'm trying to hold true to my blog name. But I have shed many tears lately. Not a whole lot of laughter, except the smiles you all bring to my face!

But this is to big a burden to bear. And I know I have faithful prayer warriors out there. And right now I really need each and every one of you!

Anything and everything I have ever written about my husband is true. He is wonderful and always has been. But right now satan has got a hold of him and he is deeply depressed. He's questioning God about letting people suffer and the trials we face.

I'll admit we've had a rough few years. My father's illness and death, my illness, his sister's breast cancer and other numerous situations and trials.

I am going to counseling with my pastor and his wife so I can make sure I am handling this in a Godly way. I cannot get him to go with me. My husband has quit serving in Awana and the choir. And when we went to church last Sunday he left during the service and said he will not go back. Ever.

Right now my husband is not being kind. To any of us. It's hard. I know he doesn't mean the things he says. But they still hurt. Deeply.

Now I know that our God is bigger than all of this! And right now the kids and I are going to be the only God my husband sees. So we need to make sure we keep our attitudes in check. Because it would be so easy to give in and say the things we are sometimes thinking.

Please pray for all of us, especially my husband. He's always been a faithful servant of Christ. His words are harsh and they cut deep, but knowing how far away from the Lord he is right now hurts more than anything he could ever say to me.

I know Christ can be glorified through this trial I face. He's lead me through every other one I have fought against and won. I am prepared to go to battle. And I will be victorious as long as I am in the center of God's will!

2 Cor. 5:9 So we make it our goal to please Him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.
To all of you that have tagged me I promise I will get to them eventually! I know you all understand what needs to come first. I thank you all for your heart felt prayers during this time.

20 comments:

kris said...

this is the first time I have read your blog but I wanted to respond. My husband has also pulled away from the church and he is mad at God. His father died unexpectly after a surgery 2 years ago and he has questioned his faith since. I left him be angery for a year and then the second year I started to get angry with my husband. I am giving him his space to grief and be mad at God. I am trusting that this is just part of the faith journey. It is hard though and even harder when you are raising young children. I have 3. No magic words for you but just wanted you to know you are not alone.

kris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kris said...

this is the first time I have read your blog but I wanted to respond. My husband has also pulled away from the church and he is mad at God. His father died unexpectly after a surgery 2 years ago and he has questioned his faith since. I left him be angery for a year and then the second year I started to get angry with my husband. I am giving him his space to grief and be mad at God. I am trusting that this is just part of the faith journey. It is hard though and even harder when you are raising young children. I have 3. No magic words for you but just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Goofy Girl said...

I will be keeping you in my thoughts - I know that in the end there is a master plan. Hug !!

Kimmy said...

My sweet Amy . . . thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I'm praying, praying, praying. My heart is breaking for you right now. ((HUGS))
Kimmy

Donetta said...

Life is a battle. These issues are not forgin to most. I too went through a time like this some years back with my Beloved. He had to fire his old god and learn who GOD really was and His part in this epic we are in. Life is a battle between good and evil. Get some strong brothers to battle in the heavenlies for him. He is hurt and hurt people hurt people.

The Foxes said...

Hi. I found your blog through another blog....and now I can't remember which blog it was.
Anyways....
I read your entry a couple of days ago. I just felt like I needed to come back by and tell you that I said a prayer for you and your husband.
I will continue to pray for you.

Jennifer
from TN

Faith said...

I will be praying! Please know you are not alone. Although my husband never went through what yours is going through, I did! I truly did. (back in my mid-20's). I had much anger (no depression)..actually deep rage.All I know is that eventually the Love of Christ working in others is what drew me back along with the prayers of others, Christian counseling, etc. Hang in there and please know me and my friends will pray for you and your family. It is a blessing to be able to pray for people, especially people we have never met face to face!

The Foxes said...

Oh...one more thing...

I LOVE DIET MTN DEW TOO!!!

marina said...

God bless your heart amy never forget God is the :"God who see's"
and I know he see's your husband pain and hurt,God if full of mercy and grace and he loves your husband and I am sure he will come back to the Lord these is just a valley for him but he will be back on that montian top again.Never give up hope, he is in my prayers,marina

Christine said...

Amy, I am so sorry to hear this. It is a battle, and Satan is out there to take who he can, or rip a family apart. I'm always thinking and praying for you.

The biggest hug I can give you through this monitor.

Love ya,
Christine
www.arewethereyetmom.com

Kailani said...

Was there anything that brought about this drastic change? I can't imagine him being this way after reading how supportive and wonderful he really is.

My prayers are for him to see the light and for you to have the strength to see this through. It must be so hard for you!

Kailani
An Island Life

Carol said...

This is a hard one, Amy. I know. My husband finally started coming to church with us about 10 years ago. He quit again about this time last year. You have the added stress of dealing with his anger on top of it. Lifting you up in prayer now and will continue until I hear different.

Love,

Carrie said...

I am praying for you all! Hang in there!

Fresh Girl said...

Amy, I'm going to try and email you later today to say a little more about this, but I'm so sorry. I know from experience that there's no feeling worse than that which comes from seeing someone you love turn his/her back on God. I'll be praying for all of you. {{{{Amy}}}}

Michelle said...

Oh Amy my heart is breaking for you - I can sense in your words how this is tearing you apart and how much courage it took for you to post this here and talk about it. I'm sorry for what you, your kids, and especially your husband, are going through. What tough times, but you're right - prayer will get you through. Your whole family will be in my prayers and I hope whatever is bothering your husband he'll figure it out and find his way back. Hugs.

tali or myles said...

Hi Amy

I found your blog through Faith. Sorry this is so long but had to write. Since i read your post i have been praying the LORD will guide my words and help you and your husband.

I know what it feels like to be your husband. He sounds very angry and Satan has obviously been working overtime to steal him from the LORD with all the tragedy in his life. He needs to know he's not alone. (1 Peter 5:7-10) His brothers and sisters around the world undergo the same troubles, some even worse, but we can help each other get through this.

Times like this, it feels like God is against us, when we really don't know just how much he's holding back Satan every day from wiping us off the face of the earth and destroying christianity altogether. The LORD is trying to save all those who belong to him and despite Satan's attacks believers rise up from every generation and are saved.

I had 2-3 years of tragedy in my family - losing my Dad to cancer, i had an entopic pregnancy and a large cyst on my ovary...the doctors told me they couldn't save my ovary and I wouldn't be able to have children. All within the same 18 mths. I had been trying for 5 yrs to have a child. So it was devastating news. I also lost other close relatives, but my Dad's death was hardest because all the messages i had from the LORD and other strong christians was that my Dad would live and he was starting to get better, etc. But he died 8 mths later.

I spent several months grief stricken and crying out to the LORD, ranting and raving to him about the injustice of it all, lots of anger, but the LORD was my greatest comforter. I cast it all on to him and he was more than able to take it away from me. No one but God understood the depth of my grief, not even my husband. It took time.

Let you husband know he can rant and rave at God all he likes, he understands his pain and suffering. He watched his own son suffer and die and did nothing. Why because he knows the bigger picture, he has a master plan. But it still would have killed him to see Jesus suffer..it breaks my heart just reading about it even tho i know he lives...imagine a Father's heart.

When we suffer the LORD is asking of us the hardest thing - to be like his son. To go through physical, emotional and spiritual pain. The temptation is to give up. But he always provides a way out for us. (1 Cor 10:13)

He's asking us to trust him completely.(Prov 3:5,6) He does have a plan and he uses what Satan means for our destruction instead for our good. About a year and a half after all this, the LORD revealed to me my marriage was in trouble. But the worse day of my life turned out to be the day the LORD saved my marriage and my husband. (Romans 8:28) It's work in progress :)

Have you heard that song 'Blessed be the name of the LORD'? Some of the words: 'when the darkness closes in LORD, still I will say blessed be the name of the LORD'....'you give and take away, you give and take away, but i will choose to say LORD blessed be your name.'

Why? Because I am one of millions of Christians who have suffered and still choose to put their trust and hope in the LORD to take us home and kick Satan's butt on that last day. Don't let your husband give up Amy! It may take a long time, but keep praying and fighting for him. Our God will do anything to save one of his lost sheep. I should know he saved my husband after 14 years of prayer.

It's easy to believe when life is wonderful but when life sucks that's the true measure of your faith. Your husband is not the 1st to question the LORD about pain and suffering. But I pray one day he will remember the joy of his salvation.

God bless, tali

Sandy said...

Oh Amy...thanks for sharing about this. It is a need and you need your blogging buddies to pray for you (for wisdom....and patience) and to pray for hubby.

So I will stand with you and pray for your hubby!!

Judy Thomas said...

I'm visiting via Friday's Feast and clicked through. I'll go back and read your Friday's Feast, but I wanted you to know you and your husband are in my prayers.

HolyMama! said...

Praying right now! (and admiring your candor.)